Never, in my entire life have I ever been so hurt by someone. And it’s the person that meant the entire world to me. No matter what happened with us I always had hope. No matter what, through fights, arguments, cheating, distance, I always had hope we would be together in the end. And we always were. No matter how long we stopped talking for or didn’t see each other for, or how many other people I saw I always thought of him. He was always in the back of my mind, along with all the feelings I had for him. I’d sometimes think I was over him, but as soon as i saw his face, his smile, held his hand, wrapped my arms around him, I knew this was what I wanted forever. After everything we went through I can say I learned a lesson in the hardest way possible. One lesson I learned was not to revolve your world around one person. He was my absolute everything. And now that he’s not here, I feel like I have nothing. I hate waking up in the morning, walking around to my classes all day, I hate going to sleep and turning my volume all the way up STILL having that hope that he’ll call me one night and say he’s sorry and we can start all over. I feel like I have no reason to live anymore. I learned you can’t keep someone around that doesn’t want to stay. He told me so many times he wanted to break up and move on, but that hope always kept him there. I would never let him leave because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I wanted to believe that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. And now that it’s come to the point where we’re not just broken up, but we hate each other. I learned that the person you love the most, will hurt you the most in the end. After four years no matter WHAT happened i never thought he would hurt me as much as he is. He no longer cares about anything we had, it’s like these past four years never even happened for him. While I sit here thinking how bad I want to kill myself, he has other girls in his bed. He hurts me on purpose, like I deserve this after everything I did for him and all the feelings I had for him. I would have given him anything in this world, but I deserve to be hurt over and over and over again. I will never be the same person after this. I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this kid. And one day, for no reason my entire world came crashing down. Now, all I hope is that every tear I’v cried makes him happy. I hope him knowing I don’t want to live anymore because I can’t handle this pain makes him happy. and I hope one day he realizes everything he lost.

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